ohh my

I know I'm tired when some of these made me cry laughing...but, hey, it was 4:oo am...



My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. - Woody Allen

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. - Jerry Garcia

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.~Mae West quotes

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Fred Allen

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. "

"A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station."

News Headline: Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.